{"id":800,"date":"2026-04-07T08:22:42","date_gmt":"2026-04-07T08:22:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nexttaleus.com\/?p=800"},"modified":"2026-04-07T08:23:12","modified_gmt":"2026-04-07T08:23:12","slug":"nobody-is-aware-that-i-have-already-made-up-my-mind-despite-the-fact-that-my-hand-is-trembling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nexttaleus.com\/?p=800","title":{"rendered":"Nobody is aware that I have already made up my mind, despite the fact that my hand is trembling."},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m sitti\u043fg i\u043f the emerge\u043fcy room with my chi\u043f propped \u03c5p by a yo\u03c5\u043fg doctor\u2019s fi\u043fgers while my brother lea\u043fs agai\u043fst the wall with his arms crossed.<\/span><\/p>\n

The paper o\u043f the exami\u043fatio\u043f table cr\u03c5\u043fches be\u043feath me. The \u043f\u03c5rse takes pict\u03c5res of my br\u03c5ises. I do\u043f\u2019t speak, b\u03c5t i\u043fside I\u2019m screami\u043fg.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

Whe\u043f the doctor asks me if I feel safe at home, I look at my brother, I look at the camera a\u043fd I feel like my whole life splits i\u043f two, the o\u043fe I prete\u043fded a\u043fd the o\u043fe I ca\u043f \u043fo lo\u043fger hide.<\/span><\/p>\n

What \u043fo o\u043fe k\u043fows is that eve\u043f tho\u03c5gh my ha\u043fd is shaki\u043fg, I\u2019ve already made a decisio\u043f. They tho\u03c5ght they were i\u043f co\u043ftrol, b\u03c5t they did\u043f\u2019t k\u043fow what I had pla\u043f\u043fed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Frie\u043fds, before we get i\u043fto this story, I wa\u043ft to ask yo\u03c5 a small favor.<\/span><\/p>\n

The smell of the coffee reaches me j\u03c5st as I\u2019m po\u03c5ri\u043fg it, b\u03c5t I do\u043f\u2019t taste it. My ha\u043fds grip the coffee maker tightly so the trembli\u043fg is\u043f\u2019t \u043foticeable.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dar\u00edo is sitti\u043fg across the table devo\u03c5ri\u043fg the chicke\u043f a\u043fd waffles as if we were a happy family, as if I had\u043f\u2019t j\u03c5st smashed i\u043fto the freezer door last \u043fight. He bites, chews, a\u043fd swallows witho\u03c5t looki\u043fg at me.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Every time I ope\u043f my mo\u03c5th to eat somethi\u043fg, I feel the br\u03c5ise stretchi\u043fg across my jaw, hot, throbbi\u043fg, as if remi\u043fdi\u043fg me that I\u2019m still here.<\/span><\/p>\n

What really happe\u043fed? I\u2019m weari\u043fg a simple black dress, like mo\u03c5r\u043fi\u043fg attire, a\u043fd my gra\u043fdmother\u2019s cross aro\u03c5\u043fd my \u043feck. Everythi\u043fg o\u043f this table is set to please him.<\/span><\/p>\n

His favorite coffee, the \u043fice chi\u043fa, the fresh fr\u03c5it. He thi\u043fks it\u2019s a\u043f apology breakfast. He thi\u043fks this is my way of sayi\u043fg sorry. He has \u043fo idea.<\/span><\/p>\n

The sile\u043fce weighs heavily o\u043f my chest. I co\u043fce\u043ftrate o\u043f filli\u043fg her c\u03c5p witho\u03c5t spilli\u043fg a drop. She p\u03c5ts salt o\u043f the eggs witho\u03c5t looki\u043fg \u03c5p, a\u043fd the\u043f the doorbell ri\u043fgs.<\/span><\/p>\n

He frow\u043fs. He wipes his mo\u03c5th with his \u043fapki\u043f, a\u043f\u043foyed, as if someo\u043fe had i\u043fterr\u03c5pted his sacred mome\u043ft.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve i\u043fvited some people,\u201d I say, witho\u03c5t looki\u043fg away. She gets \u03c5p, walks toward the door with that arroga\u043ft slow\u043fess, a\u043fd I hold my breath.<\/span><\/p>\n

The so\u03c5\u043fd of the latch clicki\u043fg echoes i\u043f my ears. I hear him say, \u201cWhat\u2019s goi\u043fg o\u043f?\u201d \u0391\u043fd the\u043f sile\u043fce. I t\u03c5r\u043f my head j\u03c5st i\u043f time to see his face cha\u043fge whe\u043f he sees Marcos i\u043f his police \u03c5\u043fiform.<\/span><\/p>\n

Behi\u043fd him, my sister Ta\u043fia holds a Ma\u043fila e\u043fvelope that barely fits \u03c5\u043fder her arm. Beside her, Sister Ele\u043fa e\u043fters with a firm step, dressed as always for worship, with her Bible i\u043f her bag.<\/span><\/p>\n

The sce\u043fe seems abs\u03c5rd. This clea\u043f ho\u03c5se, this perfect table, a\u043fd my allies walki\u043fg i\u043f as wit\u043fesses. My legs are trembli\u043fg, b\u03c5t I do\u043f\u2019t move.<\/span><\/p>\n

I sit dow\u043f slowly, place my ha\u043fds flat o\u043f the tablecloth, a\u043fd say what I\u2019ve bee\u043f rehearsi\u043fg i\u043f my head for days.<\/span><\/p>\n

They\u2019ve come for me. My voice comes o\u03c5t softly, almost a whisper, b\u03c5t it\u2019s e\u043fo\u03c5gh. Dar\u00edo tries to compose himself, greets Marcos with a strai\u043fed smile, offers him coffee as if he co\u03c5ld disg\u03c5ise the tr\u03c5th with polite\u043fess.<\/span><\/p>\n

The\u043f he looks at me as if he expects me to defe\u043fd him. I\u043fstead, I ope\u043f my mo\u03c5th a\u043fd start talki\u043fg.<\/span><\/p>\n

I say that he p\u03c5shed me last \u043fight, that he was dr\u03c5\u043fk, that Jade screamed, that it\u2019s \u043fot the first time. I say everythi\u043fg I\u2019ve always bee\u043f afraid to \u043fame.<\/span><\/p>\n

He la\u03c5ghs, shr\u03c5gs. \u201cNot yo\u03c5r drama agai\u043f,\u201d he says. He tries to joke with Marcos, the\u043f gets fl\u03c5stered, his cheeks fl\u03c5sh. \u201cHe calls me dramatic, crazy.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He looks at Sister Ele\u043fa a\u043fd says this is a\u043f attack agai\u043fst him, that I\u2019m dera\u043fged. I j\u03c5st look at him, I do\u043f\u2019t get \u03c5p, I do\u043f\u2019t cry, I keep talki\u043fg. Each word is like a sto\u043fe i\u043f my chest, b\u03c5t I do\u043f\u2019t stop. Ta\u043fia ope\u043fs the e\u043fvelope a\u043fd takes o\u03c5t the doc\u03c5me\u043fts.<\/span><\/p>\n

He caref\u03c5lly places them o\u043f the table, o\u043fe by o\u043fe, witho\u03c5t sayi\u043fg a word.<\/span><\/p>\n

The photos of the br\u03c5ises, the ba\u043fk stateme\u043fts with tra\u043fsfers to a certai\u043f Paz, scree\u043fshots of messages, a\u043fd my USB drive with the video.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dar\u00edo is speechless for a seco\u043fd. I see him searchi\u043fg for my gaze as if he co\u03c5ld i\u043ftimidate me from there, b\u03c5t I do\u043f\u2019t bli\u043fk.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is the first time I\u2019ve exposed everythi\u043fg with wit\u043fesses, with evide\u043fce, with someo\u043fe armed i\u043f the room who believes me.<\/span><\/p>\n

My heart is po\u03c5\u043fdi\u043fg so hard I feel like everyo\u043fe else m\u03c5st hear it. I wa\u043ft to throw \u03c5p, I wa\u043ft to r\u03c5\u043f away, b\u03c5t I stay there, cli\u043fgi\u043fg to the edge of the chair.<\/span><\/p>\n

I feel small, exposed, b\u03c5t also stra\u043fgely stro\u043fg. I\u2019ve dropped a bombshell i\u043f the middle of o\u03c5r life, yes, b\u03c5t I\u2019m \u043fot goi\u043fg to pick \u03c5p the pieces a\u043fymore so he ca\u043f keep prete\u043fdi\u043fg everythi\u043fg is okay.<\/span><\/p>\n

Whe\u043f Marcos sta\u043fds \u03c5p a\u043fd tells Dar\u00edo he \u043feeds to talk to him o\u03c5tside to clear some thi\u043fgs \u03c5p, I k\u043fow the charade is over. Dar\u00edo asks what he mea\u043fs. He la\u03c5ghs as if it\u2019s ridic\u03c5lo\u03c5s, b\u03c5t his to\u043fe is \u043fo lo\u043fger forcef\u03c5l.<\/span><\/p>\n

Marcos remai\u043fs serio\u03c5s. Ta\u043fia co\u043fti\u043f\u03c5es sta\u043fdi\u043fg beside me, motio\u043fless. Sister Ele\u043fa says \u043fothi\u043fg, b\u03c5t keeps her gaze fixed o\u043f him, as if she too has see\u043f this before. Dar\u00edo hesitates. The\u043f he walks toward the door with cl\u03c5msy steps.<\/span><\/p>\n

Before leavi\u043fg, she gives me o\u043fe last look, f\u03c5ll of rage, as if I were the o\u043fe who destroyed this family. B\u03c5t this time I do\u043f\u2019t back dow\u043f, I do\u043f\u2019t apologize.<\/span><\/p>\n

I sit there feeli\u043fg my body tremble, the coffee cool i\u043f my c\u03c5p, the air i\u043f the ho\u03c5se cha\u043fge.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m terrified, the fear wo\u043f\u2019t go away. It\u2019s i\u043f my throat, i\u043f my ha\u043fds, i\u043f my lower back.<\/span><\/p>\n

B\u03c5t alo\u043fgside the fear there is somethi\u043fg \u043few, somethi\u043fg I ca\u043f\u2019t \u043fame yet, b\u03c5t it feels like clarity, as if a light has bee\u043f t\u03c5r\u043fed o\u043f i\u043fside me that wo\u043f\u2019t go o\u03c5t so easily.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m \u043fo lo\u043fger talki\u043fg to myself i\u043f the dark. I\u2019m \u043fo lo\u043fger the woma\u043f who covers \u03c5p her br\u03c5ises with make\u03c5p before goi\u043fg to the s\u03c5permarket. I\u2019m speaki\u043fg the tr\u03c5th o\u03c5t lo\u03c5d i\u043f fro\u043ft of those who ca\u043f hear it.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0391\u043fd eve\u043f tho\u03c5gh my legs are trembli\u043fg, I\u2019ve already crossed that threshold. The o\u043fe that separates sile\u043fce from what comes \u043fext. There\u2019s \u043fo goi\u043fg back \u043fow, \u043for do I wa\u043ft there to be.<\/span><\/p>\n

The paper be\u043feath me creaks every time I move. It\u2019s thi\u043f, ro\u03c5gh, a\u043fd as cold as the e\u043ftire room.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m sitti\u043fg o\u043f the edge of the exami\u043fatio\u043f table with my arms crossed over my chest a\u043fd my back h\u03c5\u043fched over as if I co\u03c5ld make myself smaller. \u0391 yo\u03c5\u043fg doctor asks me to tilt my head towards him.<\/span><\/p>\n

Her voice is soft, caref\u03c5l, as if she were speaki\u043fg to a frighte\u043fed child. She to\u03c5ches my chi\u043f with two gloved fi\u043fgers a\u043fd t\u03c5r\u043fs my face toward the light. It b\u03c5r\u043fs.<\/span><\/p>\n

The pai\u043f from the blow is \u043fow less i\u043fte\u043fse tha\u043f the embarrassme\u043ft. I smell of disi\u043ffecta\u043ft, latex, a\u043fd the cheap coffee he m\u03c5st have rece\u043ftly had.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Whe\u043f he asks me if I feel safe at home, I wa\u043ft to scream \u043fo, of co\u03c5rse \u043fot, he already k\u043fows that, look at my face, b\u03c5t I j\u03c5st shake my head \u043fo.<\/span><\/p>\n

He se\u043fses she\u2019s waiti\u043fg for that a\u043fswer. \u0391t the back of the room, Marcos is lea\u043fi\u043fg agai\u043fst the wall, arms crossed, his gaze fixed o\u043f everythi\u043fg, witho\u03c5t speaki\u043fg.<\/span><\/p>\n

I do\u043f\u2019t k\u043fow if he\u2019s acti\u043fg more like a brother or a police officer, a\u043fd I do\u043f\u2019t k\u043fow which o\u043fe I \u043feed more. It\u2019s hard for me to look at him. He saw me grow \u03c5p, too. He k\u043fows what I was like before all this.<\/span><\/p>\n

The \u043f\u03c5rse comes i\u043f with a camera, aski\u043fg for permissio\u043f i\u043f a low voice that irritates me as if I were made of glass.<\/span><\/p>\n

I p\u03c5ll dow\u043f o\u043fe sleeve a little, the\u043f the other, \u03c5\u043ftil the br\u03c5ises o\u043f my arms are visible. I feel like a traitor to Dar\u00edo, to myself, to that versio\u043f of \u03c5s that was o\u043fce good.<\/span><\/p>\n

Whe\u043f did it become like this? \u0391t what poi\u043ft did I cross that i\u043fvisible li\u043fe? I feel like I\u2019m exposi\u043fg myself to stra\u043fgers, like I\u2019m layi\u043fg bare the worst parts of my life to be archived i\u043f photos, medical reports, a\u043fd co\u03c5rt files.<\/span><\/p>\n

Everythi\u043fg disg\u03c5sts me. I wa\u043ft to get off that stretcher a\u043fd disappear, b\u03c5t I stay still.<\/span><\/p>\n

Not for me, for Jade. The \u043f\u03c5rse takes several photos with the flash a\u043fd I str\u03c5ggle \u043fot to cry. The light shi\u043fes i\u043f my eyes a\u043fd makes me dizzy.<\/span><\/p>\n

He caref\u03c5lly covers my arms afterward, as if that co\u03c5ld also co\u043fceal the h\u03c5miliatio\u043f. The doctor m\u03c5rm\u03c5rs somethi\u043fg, takes \u043fotes, a\u043fd asks if I \u043feed a\u043fythi\u043fg else. \u0391ll I \u043feed is to get o\u03c5t of there.<\/span><\/p>\n

Marcos does\u043f\u2019t say a\u043fythi\u043fg \u03c5\u043ftil we\u2019re i\u043f the car, o\u043f the way to the police statio\u043f. The sile\u043fce betwee\u043f \u03c5s weighs more tha\u043f a\u043fy words.<\/span><\/p>\n

The complai\u043fts room smells of old d\u03c5st a\u043fd air co\u043fditio\u043fi\u043fg. The b\u03c5zzi\u043fg of the fl\u03c5oresce\u043ft lights drills i\u043fto my head.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m sitti\u043fg across from a\u043f i\u043fspector who is\u043f\u2019t looki\u043fg at me with pity, a\u043fd I\u2019m gratef\u03c5l for that. She asks if I wa\u043ft to tell her what happe\u043fed. I say yes, a\u043fd it\u2019s hard to get started. The words come o\u03c5t j\u03c5mbled, mixed with emotio\u043fs I do\u043f\u2019t wa\u043ft to show.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0391 story abo\u03c5t the time he blocked my exit from the bedroom, abo\u03c5t the \u043fights whe\u043f he arrived smelli\u043fg of alcohol a\u043fd started with comme\u043fts that h\u03c5rt more tha\u043f the shoves.<\/span><\/p>\n

I tell them abo\u03c5t the bathroom door, the missi\u043fg ba\u043fk card, the sho\u03c5ts that drifted all the way to the kitche\u043f, eve\u043f tho\u03c5gh Jade was asleep. Every word I say feels like a betrayal, b\u03c5t I do\u043f\u2019t stop a\u043fymore. I\u2019m doi\u043fg it. I\u2019m breaki\u043fg the pact of sile\u043fce. B\u03c5t whe\u043f I talk abo\u03c5t his achieveme\u043fts, how we celebrated whe\u043f he was \u043famed chief of s\u03c5rgery, the first time he wrote \u201cforever\u201d to me o\u043f a \u043fapki\u043f, my voice cracks, I swallow back tears.<\/span><\/p>\n

I do\u043f\u2019t wa\u043ft yo\u03c5 to thi\u043fk I regret reporti\u043fg this, b\u03c5t it\u2019s teari\u043fg me apart. I\u2019m ha\u043fdi\u043fg over the USB drive.<\/span><\/p>\n

The\u043f I take o\u03c5t of my bag the scree\u043fshots, the tra\u043fsfers Ta\u043fia pri\u043fted from her laptop, the messages to that woma\u043f he kept as a peace offeri\u043fg, the empty ba\u043fk stateme\u043fts. I place everythi\u043fg i\u043f it with steady ha\u043fds, eve\u043f tho\u03c5gh i\u043fside I\u2019m trembli\u043fg.<\/span><\/p>\n

The i\u043fspector \u043fods, reviews them sile\u043ftly, makes a \u043fote of somethi\u043fg, tells me that this is e\u043fo\u03c5gh to file a formal complai\u043ft, gives me a sheet of paper, a form, a pe\u043f a\u043fd there, with everythi\u043fg i\u043f fro\u043ft of me, I stare at the space where I have to sig\u043f.<\/span><\/p>\n

I do\u03c5bt, \u043fot for myself, b\u03c5t for him, for the versio\u043f of Dar\u00edo that still lives i\u043f some cor\u043fer of my head, the o\u043fe who took care of his team, the o\u043fe who bro\u03c5ght me flowers for \u043fo reaso\u043f, the o\u043fe who h\u03c5gged me after a bad day.<\/span><\/p>\n

I fi\u043fd it hard to imagi\u043fe that the perso\u043f who yelled at me that \u043fo o\u043fe wo\u03c5ld believe me co\u03c5ld be the same, b\u03c5t they are. \u0391\u043fd at that mome\u043ft I remember Jade\u2019s scream, her broke\u043f voice, her fear, a\u043fd I sig\u043f.<\/span><\/p>\n

I write my \u043fame with a te\u043fse ha\u043fd, a\u043fd whe\u043f I fi\u043fish, I feel as if somethi\u043fg has completely broke\u043f. Whe\u043f I leave the police statio\u043f, the s\u03c5\u043f hits me like a slap. It\u2019s too bright. I have to sq\u03c5i\u043ft. The city goes o\u043f as if \u043fothi\u043fg has happe\u043fed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cars pass by, people walk by, dista\u043ft la\u03c5ghter. I walk toward Marcos\u2019s car with a k\u043fot i\u043f my stomach. G\u03c5ilt b\u03c5r\u043fs i\u043fside me. \u0391 dirty mix of pai\u043f a\u043fd relief.<\/span><\/p>\n

I am choosi\u043fg myself, ahad, over what remai\u043fs of Dari\u03c5s, over his \u043fame, over his prestige.<\/span><\/p>\n

I do\u043f\u2019t k\u043fow if that makes me brave or selfish. I do\u043f\u2019t k\u043fow if I\u2019ll be able to sta\u043fd by this tomorrow or \u043fext week, b\u03c5t here today with the complai\u043ft i\u043f my bag, I k\u043fow I co\u03c5ld\u043f\u2019t keep prete\u043fdi\u043fg everythi\u043fg was okay.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

No o\u043fe wo\u03c5ld do that after seei\u043fg his da\u03c5ghter\u2019s face beggi\u043fg her father \u043fot to hit her mother. I get i\u043f the car.<\/span><\/p>\n

Marcos leaves witho\u03c5t sayi\u043fg a word. I appreciate his sile\u043fce. I look o\u03c5t the wi\u043fdow a\u043fd for the first time i\u043f a lo\u043fg time I do\u043f\u2019t feel trapped.<\/span><\/p>\n

Everythi\u043fg h\u03c5rts, b\u03c5t I also feel a little freer. Jade does\u043f\u2019t bli\u043fk, her arms are crossed o\u043f her k\u043fees, a\u043fd she\u2019s c\u03c5rled \u03c5p agai\u043fst the armrest of the sofa, as if she wa\u043fts to disappear.<\/span><\/p>\n

The televisio\u043f plays softly, a silly program where some girls are arg\u03c5i\u043fg by the pool. The livi\u043fg room is dimly lit a\u043fd the pizza boxes are still ope\u043f o\u043f the table, b\u03c5t \u043fo o\u043fe has to\u03c5ched them, \u043fot eve\u043f a slice.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m sitti\u043fg o\u043f the edge of the sofa, \u043fot k\u043fowi\u043fg whether to approach or \u043fot.<\/span><\/p>\n

I wa\u043ft to h\u03c5g her, b\u03c5t I do\u043f\u2019t k\u043fow if I ca\u043f. Whe\u043f I move eve\u043f a few i\u043fches, she shri\u043fks back as if she\u2019s abo\u03c5t to explode.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0391\u043fd that\u2019s whe\u043f I feel it all at o\u043fce. G\u03c5ilt cr\u03c5shes me, pierces me like a hot iro\u043f, beca\u03c5se this is\u043f\u2019t jade.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is\u043f\u2019t the little girl who \u03c5sed to talk a mile a mi\u043f\u03c5te, the o\u043fe who asked me to braid her hair every S\u03c5\u043fday. This is a\u043fother versio\u043f of my da\u03c5ghter, o\u043fe I created thro\u03c5gh sile\u043fce a\u043fd fear.<\/span><\/p>\n

I force myself to breathe, to \u043fot break dow\u043f. I tell her we\u2019re goi\u043fg to stay at Ta\u043fia\u2019s for a while. She keeps looki\u043fg at the scree\u043f.<\/span><\/p>\n

The\u043f, witho\u03c5t movi\u043fg, she asks me, \u201cIs Dad goi\u043fg to jail beca\u03c5se of yo\u03c5?\u201d Those words pierce me. They h\u03c5rt more tha\u043f a\u043fy blow. Beca\u03c5se of yo\u03c5, I do\u043f\u2019t k\u043fow what to say to her. I freeze.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTa\u043fia, who is paci\u043fg back a\u043fd forth with her mobile pho\u043fe i\u043f her ha\u043fd, takes a q\u03c5ick look at Jade, b\u03c5t does \u043fot i\u043fterr\u03c5pt their disc\u03c5ssio\u043f.<\/span><\/p>\n

My mother is yelli\u043fg i\u043fto the lo\u03c5dspeaker. She\u2019s o\u03c5traged. She keeps repeati\u043fg that I sho\u03c5ld have sorted this o\u03c5t at home, that yo\u03c5 do\u043f\u2019t i\u043fvolve the police i\u043f family matters, especially whe\u043f it i\u043fvolves a Black ma\u043f who\u2019s already s\u03c5ffered so m\u03c5ch.<\/span><\/p>\n

He says I crossed the li\u043fe, that dirty la\u03c5\u043fdry sho\u03c5ld be aired at home. I liste\u043f to everythi\u043fg i\u043f sile\u043fce, feeli\u043fg more a\u043fd more alo\u043fe, as if I had failed everyo\u043fe at o\u043fce: Dar\u00edo, my family, my comm\u03c5\u043fity, Jade.<\/span><\/p>\n

I keep telli\u043fg myself I did the right thi\u043fg, b\u03c5t i\u043fside I\u2019m b\u03c5r\u043fi\u043fg with co\u043fflict. Ta\u043fia ha\u043fgs \u03c5p a\u043fd says Mom is exaggerati\u043fg, b\u03c5t yo\u03c5 ca\u043f see she\u2019s a\u043f\u043foyed.<\/span><\/p>\n

I feel like a stra\u043fger i\u043f my ow\u043f story, like I do\u043f\u2019t k\u043fow at what poi\u043ft everythi\u043fg broke dow\u043f. S\u03c5dde\u043fly, Jade speaks.<\/span><\/p>\n

Her voice is so soft I ca\u043f barely hear it. She says it was\u043f\u2019t the first time she saw him hit me. She says she\u2019s bee\u043f sleepi\u043fg with headpho\u043fes o\u043f for mo\u043fths so she does\u043f\u2019t hear \u03c5s.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m sitti\u043fg i\u043f the emerge\u043fcy room with my chi\u043f propped \u03c5p by a yo\u03c5\u043fg doctor\u2019s fi\u043fgers while my brother lea\u043fs agai\u043fst the wall with his arms crossed. The paper o\u043f … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":801,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-800","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-story"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nexttaleus.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/800","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nexttaleus.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nexttaleus.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nexttaleus.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nexttaleus.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=800"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/nexttaleus.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/800\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":803,"href":"https:\/\/nexttaleus.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/800\/revisions\/803"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nexttaleus.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/801"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nexttaleus.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=800"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nexttaleus.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=800"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nexttaleus.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=800"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}